I'm Smarter than It

I don't know if it was some sort of punishment for my basic Luddite tendencies or if the planets aligned to suck the life out of my meager electronic possessions. Either way, I experienced my first technological meltdown. Well, perhaps meltdown is too strong a word but it was my version of one.

My cell phone, MP3 player and camera all died at the same time.

Now I know this is piffle to all you techies. For me it means reading manuals, locating charging cords, matching these cords with the correct appliance, inserting such cords into the correct hole in the aforementioned correct appliance, and obsessing over that teensy light to see if it's changed to a more favorable color.

Of course I can do it. I'm not helpless. Besides, I am motivated by my mantra: I am an educated woman with a variety of talents and no inanimate object will get the better of me.

It might be a little long to needlepoint but it's chiseled into one of my brain cells for eternity, easily accessible when needed.

The Boomer Berry and Me

I usually resist Madison Avenue's siren songs about products that promise a younger looking me, a thinner me or a more energized moi. Been there, bought that before I became a more discerning shopper.

So what advertising drivel lured me to the consumer rocks? --- an explosion of spam praising the "boomer berry".

I've done my best to avoid "boomer" anything. I don't like being clumped into that stereotyped demographic....until the Acai Berry. I had no idea what this little plant was or where it came from. I just know that I wanted it enough to fork over $35 for a box of 60 fruit flavored servings.

Thirty-five sounded cheap if it indeed delivered. According to the box it's a natural energy booster loaded with B vitamins, high in antioxidants, green tea, yerba mate, guarana seed extracts (no clue what an actual grown guarana looks like), plus a trademarked ingredient called Chocomine (some sort of dark chocolate). And that's just a partial list. All that's missing is a partridge in a pear tree -- but even that might be in the small print.

I take a slew of vitamins and minerals every morning to achieve the same results and here it all was in powdered form -- just add water. I thought the vitamin goddesses were truly shining down on me -- except for one big thing. The stuff tasted dreadful, like swallowing a packet of grape Kool-Aid.

I'm back to counting out my pills and brewing pots of healthy tea. But if you'd like an acai sample........

And the Winner is......

There's the Nobel, the Pulitzer and the Peabody. We buy tickets for Oscar winning movies and Tony winning plays. Every genre of books from children to self-help seems to have a prize that's proudly featured on the jacket.

Award winning gardening tools. Award winning abs workout. Award winning juicer. Where do all these awards come from and who decides the winners?

Let's say I'm in Williams-Sonoma in a quandary over which cheese grater to buy. Will it actually influence my purchase if one package says "award winning" and the others don't? I don't really care whether I use the same brand as Rachel Ray. I just want to shred my Parmesan.

I'm waiting for the ultimate: an "award winning" award?