One of my favorite things about Christmas is the music. I especially like the magnificent chorales singing with such gusto and emotion. The old English carols where revelers go wassailing, the Nutcracker, Vivaldi's version of winter.
Not in contention are the "I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus" pop songs -- bearable only because their life span is those few weeks between Thanksgiving and Christmas. Frankly, by Christmas Eve I'd like to roast the singer's chestnuts on an open fire.
I'm not sure what it is about "The Little Drummer Boy" that brings out the Scrooge in me but the excessive ba-rum-pa-bum-bumming undoubtedly is a factor. It's also the molasses-speed it's sung in. Chunks of my life are frittering away while the kid bangs on that blasted drum.
Everyone has a breaking point -- the moment where you'd spill secrets of the universe just to make the torture stop. For me? Lock me in a room with "The Little Drummer Boy" CD and I'll tell you anything you want to know in record time.
Saturday, December 25, 2010
Saturday, December 18, 2010
Kitsch to the Nth Degree
Only a week left for shoppers to participate in the retail frenzy otherwise known as Christmas. Shoppers not just trying to find the perfect gift but the perfect gift on sale. Too much pressure. No wonder people have that glazed look.
One toy store is staying open for 88 hours straight. Marketing departments have given up on cleverly naming the numerous sales. Now it's just Monday Sale! or Wednesday Sale! Black Friday and Cyber Monday seem so long ago.
Perhaps I might make a gift suggestion: the President Obama Chia Pet. Frankly, I don't know whether to laugh out loud or shake my head at the disrespect. After all, the Washington, Lincoln and Statue of Liberty versions are also available -- on the same shelf with SpongeBob.
The creepiest thing about it is that, "in bloom", it looks like he's sporting a lush green Afro.
Kitsch to the nth degree? I think liberals and conservatives could agree on at least that.
One toy store is staying open for 88 hours straight. Marketing departments have given up on cleverly naming the numerous sales. Now it's just Monday Sale! or Wednesday Sale! Black Friday and Cyber Monday seem so long ago.
Perhaps I might make a gift suggestion: the President Obama Chia Pet. Frankly, I don't know whether to laugh out loud or shake my head at the disrespect. After all, the Washington, Lincoln and Statue of Liberty versions are also available -- on the same shelf with SpongeBob.
The creepiest thing about it is that, "in bloom", it looks like he's sporting a lush green Afro.
Kitsch to the nth degree? I think liberals and conservatives could agree on at least that.
Sunday, December 12, 2010
Leave the Leg Warmers to the Bolshoi
Pull up your leg warmers, ladies. Squeeze into that 1980's leotard. Jane Fonda is back in the exercise biz.
Remember those rigorous exercise videos? A lithe, ultra-thin actress guiding you through a workout boot camp -- no smiling allowed. Millions of us bought into it -- literally. She went from award winning movie star to fitness guru faster than you could chant the "no pain, no gain" mantra.
Her new DVDs are for seniors and boomers. Age-appropriate exercises for geezers and we geezers in training. Presumably the routines will get me to break a sweat and not any bones, tone muscles that long ago lost their fight with gravity and tighten a core area that's doing one terrific impersonation of Tweedledum.
Sounds great! Of course I have to actually do the routines, not unlike the ten other DVDs in my "jeez I feel like such a cow and am going to do something about it -- no, seriously" collection.
I just pray she doesn't try to make leg warmers retro.
Remember those rigorous exercise videos? A lithe, ultra-thin actress guiding you through a workout boot camp -- no smiling allowed. Millions of us bought into it -- literally. She went from award winning movie star to fitness guru faster than you could chant the "no pain, no gain" mantra.
Her new DVDs are for seniors and boomers. Age-appropriate exercises for geezers and we geezers in training. Presumably the routines will get me to break a sweat and not any bones, tone muscles that long ago lost their fight with gravity and tighten a core area that's doing one terrific impersonation of Tweedledum.
Sounds great! Of course I have to actually do the routines, not unlike the ten other DVDs in my "jeez I feel like such a cow and am going to do something about it -- no, seriously" collection.
I just pray she doesn't try to make leg warmers retro.
Sunday, December 5, 2010
Bored? Ask for a Refund
Steve Martin was all over the news this week not because he had his audience rolling in the aisles, but because he had them dozing in their seats. According to an NPR blog, the New York venue where he was interviewed about his latest novel offered a refund for being bored.
Is this the new trend or simply a freak incident? Just think of all the boring movies, plays and lectures you've sat through. All the books you've skimmed in a futile search for a few well-written paragraphs. You can kiss the wasted time goodbye, but if we can get some of the cash back it might ease the pain.
I like the idea in principle but how do you prove boredom? Do you need evidence of your actually nodding off or the number of times you checked the time? Is there paperwork involved? An essay to compare and contrast? Do you have to leave before the end in protest. Is it more difficult to prove I was bored if I stay til the end hoping it will get better? It's like the people who eat all their food in a restaurant and then complain how bad it was.
Is it retroactive? If so, how far back can I go? What if the movie was billed as a comedy and you didn't find it funny? Does that count?
So many questions, I actually hope the New York refund was an isolated incident. I'm getting bored just thinking about it.
Is this the new trend or simply a freak incident? Just think of all the boring movies, plays and lectures you've sat through. All the books you've skimmed in a futile search for a few well-written paragraphs. You can kiss the wasted time goodbye, but if we can get some of the cash back it might ease the pain.
I like the idea in principle but how do you prove boredom? Do you need evidence of your actually nodding off or the number of times you checked the time? Is there paperwork involved? An essay to compare and contrast? Do you have to leave before the end in protest. Is it more difficult to prove I was bored if I stay til the end hoping it will get better? It's like the people who eat all their food in a restaurant and then complain how bad it was.
Is it retroactive? If so, how far back can I go? What if the movie was billed as a comedy and you didn't find it funny? Does that count?
So many questions, I actually hope the New York refund was an isolated incident. I'm getting bored just thinking about it.
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