Calling the Holiday Fashion Police

There's a traditional holiday song with a line something like "it's beginning to look a lot like Christmas".  It goes on about the snow, decorations and general good cheer of the season.

It doesn't, however, include any reference to the god awful sweaters people wear this time of year.  You know the ones I mean --- reindeer leaping over chimneys, dancing gingerbread men, multi-colored tree ornaments and snowflakes humongous enough to ground a flight at JFK.

Where are the fashion police when you need them? How is it that normally chic people lose all sense of style when it comes to these folk art sweaters?  My theory is that granny or auntie or someone dear to them knit the garment and gave it as a gift so it's more of an obligation than a fashion choice.  I could be way off the mark here, but that's all I've got.  I just can't believe any sighted person would actually buy one of these sweaters --- even on black Friday --- at midnight.

First of all, it has a short shelf life.  You can't be wearing leaping reindeer or tinsel much into January. When you take down the tree, take off the sweater. Second, make sure the person who knit it for you sees you wearing it.  Tell them how toasty it is, how much you love it -- then pack it away and call the L.L. Bean emergency hot line to order a real sweater.

 I've probably offended all of you who really do wear these sweaters.  Maybe I'm sour grapes since I was never given a hand made Christmas sweater.  You see my granny and aunties never mastered knitting beyond a certain stitch.  But if you're interested, I can tell you about my many holiday scarves.

Is This Really Necessary?

Something new to add to my "Is This Really Necessary?" list .... reserved seating in the movie theater.  I'm not talking about advanced ticket buying which is actually a convenience.  I'm talking about reserving a seat, as though you were going to Carnegie Hall.  This, however, is a multiplex where seating, typically, is a free for all, much like flying Southwest. 

Perhaps this is a good idea on a crowded weekend evening for a blockbuster film, but is it really necessary for a mid-week matinee?

Let me tell you about my recent experience.  There was no ticket line since it was the aforementioned mid-week matinee.  I told the person which movie I wanted to see but before taking my money and printing a ticket, he asked me where I would like to sit.  Mentally I responded with a snippy "preferably in a chair, you idiot"  but in my personal quest to be less sarcastic and more polite I kept it to a simple "excuse me?"

He explained the reserved seating procedure and turned the computer screen around so I could choose a section and row. Here we are mid-week, midday. Imagine my surprise when I had my choice of any seat in the house. 

I pointed to the general area where I'd like to sit but the young man insisted, with a smile right out of a training manual, that I be specific. I pointed. He printed.  Off  I went to search for my assigned seat in a completely empty theater.

Did I sit in my assigned seat when there were hundreds to choose from?  I most certainly did not.  I seized the opportunity to defy the system --- and waited anxiously for the voice of authority to tell me to move.

The Derailed Train of Thought

To be honest, I don't know that I'd have dinner with any of the Republican presidential candidates. While they might be decent people, politically they're just not all that exciting. 

Think about it.  These candidates have stated their position during several debates, fund raised and given speeches around the country.  Yet what is the only thing people are talking about this week?  Governor Perry's brain freeze.

It even beat out our knowing where in the world Matt Lauer was.

How about a little empathy, people? Granted we've probably never lost it on national television in front of millions of people, but we've all been there.  Starting confidently down a train of thought when suddenly ye ol' mental faculties plummet like Wiley Coyote and his Acme anvil.

Personally, I don't think one gaffe bars anyone from the presidency but I'd want to know if this condition is chronic.  I'd worry about my president sitting down with the head of North Korea trying to hammer out a nuclear agreement and ending up with a kimchee recipe instead.

Holiday Shopping -- It's Baaack

Most of us don't like TV commercials. That's hardly breaking news.  But the annoyance meter soars when said commercials promote Christmas shopping the day after Halloween.  We're still picking candy corn out of our teeth when we're made to shift gears and consider a suitable gift for the dog walker and Aunt Esther. 

Thanks for reminding me, but let me recover from this Trick or Treat sugar coma before compiling a shopping list.  

Not that long ago, holiday shopping began with gusto the day after Thanksgiving and so did the commercials.  That's plenty of time to work yourself into a retail frenzy.

As annoying as it is, this early kick-off is probably to the consumers advantage since it sparks retailers to offer good deals over a longer period.  Many shops are promoting November and pre-Thanksgiving sales but I'm skeptical.

If it was actually a pre-Thanksgiving sale the ads would show the family around the dinner table drumstick in hand, a cornucopia centerpiece for effect.  What do you see?  A fully decorated tree, twinkle lights and people wearing Santa hats.

Retailers are desperate to get consumers to fork over some cash, but chill for just a few more weeks.  Let me at least enjoy the turkey leftovers.