What?

Let me preface the forthcoming mini-rant by proudly admitting that I love language.  It's constantly changing and updating itself.  Old words fall out of use to make way for the new.  Slang rapidly saturates the vernacular. Unfortunately,  by the time we of the elder demographic incorporate it into our vocabulary the words are outdated --- thus generating an instant eye roll from young Twihards and those suffering from Biebermania.  I love the inflections, the intonation, the rhythm of English.  And certain words like pizazz and oomph just tickle my tongue. I'm an avid reader and often pause to admire a well-written sentence.  While I don't know the exact number, my vocabulary is probably higher than average.

Enough already.  You got it.  So......

Why then did I not understand one freakin' word the twenty-something techie said?  I might as well have been in a computer store in downtown Minsk.  I prayed for subtitles to suddenly appear on his chest. Of course they'd have been impossible to read what with my glazed over eyes.  This couldn't be my beloved English, although I did hear some recognizable words.  It's just that they were buried in sentences about gigabytes and HTMLs. 

There's never a glossary around when you need one.

Of course I assumed the pretense of comprehension, nodding my head and throwing in a few, what I assumed to be well-placed, "I sees".  To add to this charade, I jotted down a word or two so I could "follow-up".   

One more lie and I was sure my nose would jut out like Pinocchio.  I thanked the young man  -- just being polite, not sincere -- and left the store in need of immediate resuscitation. 

Forget 911.  Call the nearest coffee shop and order me a double grande dose of caffeine -- stat.